


of stomach acids & diamond rings

by hxe7s



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anatomically Incorrect, Crack, Fluff, M/M, beautiful brogane relationship btw, i wrote this like during april 2017 like s4 didnt even exist then, keith is always op in my fics, thats what this is lmao, you know that weird stuff you write at 3 am when you cant sleep?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 14:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxe7s/pseuds/hxe7s
Summary: “Say,” a boy around Keith’s age leaned down from the spectator’s area to stare at the competitor with a curious expression, “does that mean you’ll get a dick piercing if you were kicked in the crotch?”Keith blinked twice before what the boy had said registered to his mind and he blushed bright red.“What the fuck are you suggesting?” He demanded, face heated, but the boy was already gone.That’s how Keith met Lance.





	of stomach acids & diamond rings

**Author's Note:**

> so yall know what this is, the dead wip buried under hundreds of other dead wips in my dead fanfic folder. i finally dug it out after like more than a year to post it after cleaning thru the folder lol. cant believe i even found it, i dont even remember writing much of it tbh

 

Keith has natural talent. 

 

Like that time when he turned the tables and shoved his taekwondo instructor against the mat when he was merely thirteen years of age. 

 

(He stood and panted in victory for about the total of two seconds before Shiro burst into the dojo and mistook Keith for his opponent and then proceeded by flinging Keith across the room while screaming ‘DON’T HURT KEITH’ with tears and snot streaming down his face. Shiro refused to come out of his room for the following three days and was constantly bawling his eyes out even though Keith was the one with a fractured arm.) 

 

Or that time when he went and beat up all the fuckfaces that dared to lay even a single fingertip on Shiro. 

 

(Shiro came home one day with half his face drenched in blood and a horrendous cut across his nose and Keith let his anger take over and ended up in hospital nursing a couple of broken ribs. And a crying Shiro that lasted about a week longer than the last time.)

 

See, Keith is strong. 

 

“Fucking bullshit! I will pierce every part of my body where I was hit!” Keith fumed, unaccepting towards his first defeat in competitive taekwondo. “It’ll remind me of the pain I went through to get this far!” He was determined. There was that familiar metallic taste in his mouth and he knew why it was there (it’s why he’s got a tongue piercing now, so at least he was somewhat true to his declaration). 

 

“Calm down,” Shiro handed him a water bottle and patted his shoulder. 

 

“Calm down? How can you—” 

 

“Say,” a boy around Keith’s age leaned down from the spectator’s area to stare at the competitor with a curious expression, “does that mean you’ll get a dick piercing if you were kicked in the crotch?” 

 

Keith blinked twice before what the boy had said registered to his mind and he blushed bright red. 

 

“What the fuck are you suggesting?” He demanded, face heated, but the boy was already gone. 

 

That’s how Keith met Lance. 

 

(And no, Keith does not have a dick piercing but Lance did convince him to pierce one ear.)

  
  


***

  
  


Keith has done many nerve-wracking things in his life before. Like that one time when he decided he wanted to run the shitty neighborhood wannabe punks over with his cheap-ass bicycle. Or the other time in high school when he was asked to answer some maths question that was way above the content he was learning because Iverson was a total shitdouche so he flipped his teacher off before answering the question correctly because he’s Keith fucking Kogane. 

 

Even pissing off Hunk isn’t as pressuring and outright stressful. 

 

Keith takes a huge gulp of air because if he didn’t, he would have probably died from suffocation before he could even attempt to p—

 

“Keith!” Lance shouts from their bathroom, “can you get me my earrings?” 

 

Keith quickly stuffs the small velvet box somewhere safe from Lance’s eyes (and hands) and shouts back to Lance. “Which ones?”

 

“The blue rose ones!”

 

“Coming!” Keith replies and takes one look at the mirror. He’s got one of those cliche trembling smiles and a bit of hair is sticking up from his neatly gelled head, he smoothes one hand over it, grabs Lance’s earrings out of the jewellery box Keith had gotten Lance on their second Valentine’s, and marches out of the bedroom like he’s about to face the most dramatic moment of his life. 

 

He probably is, though. 

  
  


***

  
  


They arrive outside the fancy five-star restaurant that Keith spent two weeks of his working hours googling and triple checking the reviews before he asks Allura to reserve a spot for him and Lance.

 

(Keith’s gotten a horrible reputation since that time he broke eight plates and six glasses  _ and  _ nearly gave a waiter concussion because his client was being a little shit. Usually restaurants would hang up on him as soon as he uttered his name.)

 

“Two seats under Lance Mcclain,” Keith tells the waiter as they enter and Lance smiles politely at the waiter because Keith’s got that do-your-fucking-job face on. He supposes he could be a bit less aloof, but what’s the point. Human interaction is overrated. 

 

“Sure, table, um,” the waiter fumbles with his list for a few seconds, “table seven, please. This way.” He leads them to their tables and Keith hates his life because he’s sweating and nervous and probably stinks. And Lance is sitting opposite him, looking like the most gorgeous man alive with his tailored suit and sparkly shoes and incredibly smooth skin and bright blue eyes and the most adorable nose and the—

 

Lance is staring at him with a weirded-out expression and Keith realises he should probably breathe. He does, and notices how tense his body is. Lance must’ve noticed as well because he’s asking if Keith is okay and if he wants to go home. 

 

“No. I’m fine,” Keith insists while his mind goes into over-functioning mode and there’s probably steam coming out of his ears by now. “I, uh, finally got some time off. Let’s just enjoy tonight.” He says smoothly, maybe because it’s the truth. Keith’s been busy on a rather concerning amount of embezzlement cases recently and it’s taken a lot of his time and energy. Lance has been surprisingly patient, unlike their college days where he would constantly bug Keith even though he had like ten test papers due the following day. But Lance has always been a top achiever, and Keith doubted he would ever allow himself to fail any of his assignments.   

 

“What thoughts are stealing your attention away?” Lance asks him as he flips through a menu. 

 

Keith chuckles at the teasing tone in his boyfriend’s voice. “You’re jealous of yourself.” He opens the leather clad menu and goes straight to the champagne and wines section. 

 

“Why think about me when I’m right in front of you?” Lance replies, still scanning through the selection of dishes. Keith smiles at that and just hums in response. They chatted quietly as Lance decides between fish or beef and Keith is deciding on a champagne.

 

“What do you want?” Lance asks, closing his menu. Keith looks up with a frown and quickly recites the champagne and the dish. 

 

Keith isn’t a meticulous planner. He wanted to propose to Lance so he brought the nicest and affordable diamond ring he could find he went shopping with Allura. He wanted something romantic because Lance is the love of his life so he’s going with that cheesy romantic cliche of an impressive restaurant and placing the ring in the champagne glass. That was it though. He hadn’t thought about how he was going to get the ring into Lance’s glass without him noticing.

 

_ Fuck. Shit. This isn’t going to work. Shitballs. What am I going to do? How the fuck did Hunk propose to Shay? Right, that’s because he’s Hunk and he’s amazing at everything _ — _ why am I thinking about that? What the fuck, Kogane?  _

 

Lance is staring at him oddly again. Keith excuses himself to the bathroom. 

  
  


***

  
  


_ I could just ask him to look somewhere _ , Keith thinks as he stares at the wall,  _ or maybe ask one of the waiters to slip it into his food. What if he accidentally swallows it, though? Nah, he can’t possibly do that. I’ll just ask him to look at something and I’ll slip it in.  _

 

Aware of time, he quickly takes the ring out of the box and hides it in his suit pocket and leaves the men’s bathroom. He slips back into the seat next to Lance’s and tries to act as normal as he can. 

 

He must have done something really generous and kind lately (probably all those embezzlement cases), because the next second Lance is excusing himself to the bathroom to wash his hands. 

 

_ The heavens must be shining upon me, bless you God.  _ Keith thinks as he leans over the table and drops the ring into Lance’s champagne glass. He grabs the champagne he ordered and quickly poured it into Lance’s and his own. Perfect. 

  
  


***

  
  


Lance is sipping at his champagne and Keith is silently praying that he would notice the ring soon because he can’t eat with the amount of nerves swimming around in his stomach. Lance is also chatting happily as he eats his meal while Keith answers in short responses and slowly chews his food in small bites. 

 

Suddenly, Lance stops talking and starts coughing loudly. Keith’s instinctual reaction is to grab Lance’s glass of champagne and give it to him so he would stop choking. And he does. 

 

Then, he realises what he had done while Lance is frantically chugging down the champagne like his life depends on it. 

 

This next moment of his life goes in slow motion. Keith can see the ring slide down the glass with the remnant of the champagne. Keith can see it entering Lance’s mouthful of champagne. Keith can see Lance’s lips close. Keith watches as Lance swallows and his adam’s apple bob and Keith hears the gulping sound he makes and he swears he can hear that horribly dramatic orchestral music somewhere in the background.

 

But Keith’s too late.  

 

Lance has stopped choking and is currently gently massaging his throat with his fingers. “There was something hard…” He mutters and frowns. 

 

Keith snaps back to reality at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. “M-must be a bone,” he stutters. Lance shrugs, tips himself another glass of champagne and continues with his food. 

 

Keith sits there, mind hyperventilating because  _ Lance fucking Mcclain just swallowed his fucking engagement ring _ and  _ I just told him it was a bone _ . 

 

God must hate him. 

 

Keith thinks about how many more embezzlement cases he must take to pay for another ring and then he wonders if the ring will forever remain in Lance’s stomach. 

 

He excuses himself from the table again. This time Lance is looking slightly concerned. 

 

Keith does the first thing he thinks off as soon as he reaches the safety of the men’s room. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and texts Pidge. 

 

_ lance just swallowed the ring _

 

Pidge replies instantly. 

 

_ lmao  _

 

_ not helping _ Keith types back. 

 

P: _how can i even help u_

 

K: _do you think it’ll come out the other end_

 

P: _u mean if lance will shit the ring out_

 

K: _yh_

 

P: _no the metal will dissolve bc stomach acid_

 

K: _what about the diamond_

 

P: _diamonds cant be destroyed_

 

K: _wtf_

 

P: _dis is so funny tho im showing the squad_

 

K: _pidge._

 

P: _okok u shld probs go to the hospital and get his stomach emptied_

 

K: _are there any other options?_

 

P: _get him drunk af so he can vomit it up or wait until he poops it out_

 

K: _thank bud_

 

Keith shoves the phone back in his pocket before he can read what Pidge’s reply is. He is so fucking screwed. 

  
  


***

  
  


Keith sits awkwardly throughout dinner and Lance is definitely picking up on the obvious signs of his discomfort. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Lance frowns at him when he finishes off the last of his champagne. 

 

“Nothing,” Keith replies curtly although his mind is racing with thoughts.  _ What if the metal and diamond kills him?  _ Ouch.  _ What if Lance dies because I indirectly caused him to eat his engagement ring?  _ There’s goosebumps on his neck and thin sheen of cold sweat on his forehead. Keith buries his face in his hands and grunts, the paranoia killing all logical thoughts.

 

_ Hospital or not? _

 

He tries to play rock paper scissors in his head for a while and gives up. Keith stands up and grabs Lance’s wrist. 

 

“Keith? What’s wrong?” Lance asks again. 

 

Keith freezes, searching for an appropriate answer. “The bone… we should check it out at the hospital, maybe it’s stabbed into your throat.” Way to fucking go, Kogane. 

 

Lance chuckles nervously. “No way.”

 

“Yes way.” Keith says.

 

“No.” Now, Lance has completely stopped walking and glaring at Keith outside the taxi he hailed. 

 

“Lance, we need t—” 

 

Lance clicks his tongue and tugs at his wrist. “It’s fine, it’s just a bone. Swallowing some vinegar will do the trick.” At the thought of Lance consuming more acids that will speed of the process of dissolving the metal, Keith panics and throws what little amount of logic he had left out the window.

 

“Lance,” he looks at Lance straight in the eyes, expression more serious than ever, “you just ate your engagement ring.”

 

His boyfriend stares at him with shock and bursts into laughter, “Keith, you’re kidding! Nice joke.”

 

But Keith’s face is unwavering and it takes the total of about half a second for Lance to let the fact sink in. “You’re not kidding. Not nice joke.” He chokes out. 

 

Keith nods solemnly. 

  
  


***

  
  


Keith truly doesn’t understand as to why he is currently sitting so uncomfortably silently in a taxi next to his boyfriend that he wants to scroll down the window and just jump the heck out of the suffocating atmosphere of the taxi. Maybe even abandon humanity to go live with some aliens. At least no one will find him there.

 

Lance got his stomach pumped, Keith retrieved the ring and now it feels like Lance is about to declare a cold war on him. 

 

(Keith honestly half expects Lance to throw all his belongings onto their front lawn then slam the front door in his face when they arrive back home.)

 

In all honesty, Keith desperately wants Lance to know that the whole dinner isn’t supposed to end up like  _ this _ . Keith had imagined that Lance would take a sip of the champagne, notice there was something in it, give the glass to Keith because he would probably think it’s a bug, Keith would fish out the ring, and then  _ tadah _ , he would propose to Lance. 

 

The plan was brilliant and was supposed to go smoothly. Keith cringes internally. Yep, totally,  _ smooth _ .

 

He side glances at Lance and notices his boyfriend is staring at him like an owl.

 

“W-what.” He stammers, eyes refusing to meet Lance’s because he probably just nearly murdered his boyfriend with a freaking  _ engagement ring _ . 

 

“Yes.” Lance says and Keith almost believes that Lance can read his mind. 

 

“What?” Keith asks, confused, “what ‘yes’? What’re you talking about?”

 

Lance rolls his eyes and mutters, “you fucking dumb tweeb assshit.”

 

“What?” Keith, now severely confused, thinks Lance may have broken his head at some point and got toxic poisoning from the ring. 

 

“I’m saying yes!” Lance shouts in his face, hands grappling for purchase on Keith’s tie. He yanks and Keith surges forward, following the force and lands his lips on Lance’s. They share a chaste kiss before pulling apart, aware of the cab driver at the front. 

 

“Now, let me see my ring,” Lance demands, sticking his hand out like a petulant child. Keith stares at him in wonder. Lance still said yes after what happened to him? Like Keith would ever say no to Lance, but, the ring isn’t exactly nice anymore and Keith believes that Lance only deserves the best. 

 

Keith frowns, “no, it was just covered in vomit. I’ll get you a new one.” And Lance is, once again, viciously glaring at Keith with vigor and malice like he wants to maul Keith until he’s just a pile scraps of flesh bleeding out on the taxi seat.

 

“I don’t give a shit. Keith Kogane, are you seriously withholding  _ my _ engagement ring from me?” Lance says, tone clearly intolerant of what shit excuses Keith is about to give.  

 

“But it’s not even a nice place—” Keith protests despite Lance’s demanding tone. 

 

“Ring.” Lance interrupts. Keith sighs, trying to calm the nerves that are threatening to jump straight out of his mouth and clutches the ring in his clammy hand with a sincere smile. 

 

Lance returns the smile with one of his own and Keith wants to see that smile every single day for the rest of his life. Keith sucks in a seemingly endless breath.

 

“Lance Mcclain, will you marry me?” 

 

He stares into Lance’s eyes that are shimmering in happiness and gently slides the ring onto Lance’s finger. Keith brings the soft hand up to his lips and presses a quick kiss on Lance’s knuckles. The taxi makes a sudden sharp turn and Lance jerks violently and the ring nearly ends up scraping against Keith’s eyeball. 

 

“Yes yes yes yes yes! I will, oh my god, yes!” Lance, ignoring the fact that he almost blinded his fiance, cries and throws himself at Keith. Keith catches him effortlessly and cradles his fiance in his arms. 

 

Then Keith’s phone starts vibrating in his pocket nonstop like the cockblock it is. He glares at the object like it’s a jam stain on a white shirt. 

 

“You might want to answer that,” Lance suggests as he supports his head on Keith’s shoulder and admires the ring on his finger. Keith pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that Pidge is continuously texting him. 

 

P: _come to coran’s roof asap. don’t tell lance_

_ come come come _

_ keith  _

_ keith are you alive _

_ keeeeeeeeiiiiiiiith _

_ coran’s roof _

_ keithkeithkeith _

_ are you okay _

 

Keith glares at his phone. 

 

_ im fine _ he texts. 

 

P: _then come to coran’s roof_

 

K: _coming_

 

P: _ew stop doing the horizontal tango with lance when you’re texting me_

 

K: _wtaf do you want me to write cumming?_

 

P: _EWWWWWWWWWW_

 

He clicks his phone shut and leans forward to give the driver the new address before leaning back and settling against Lance’s familiar and warm weight. 

  
  


***

  
  


“Why are we walking to the roof of Coran’s apartment building at midnight?” Lance questions suspiciously as they climb up another flight of stairs. 

 

“Don’t know,” Keith shrugs and continues walking. They step onto the roof at the same time as a loud chorus of ‘congratulations’ rains down on them. 

 

“What the fuck?” Lance screams and nearly trips. 

 

“Watch your language, Lance!” Allura huffs from beside Shiro. 

 

Lance sticks his tongue out at her. “It’s my engagement party, right? I’m allowed to swear all I want.” 

 

“Did you actually swallow a ring?” Pidge nudges Lance with a smirk while Hunk grabs Lance into a tight hug and Coran sniffles a little from his side. 

 

Lance’s face turns pink and he points accusingly at Keith. “You told them?”

 

Keith gives a nonchalant shrug and grabs the nearest wine glass, “Pidge is probably why the ring isn’t still in your stomach.” 

 

“Keith!” Lance complains but it’s drowned out by the laughter and cheering of their friends. Lance sighs and takes in the rushed but definitely heartwarming decorations and decides to join in with the celebration. 

  
  


***

  
  


Lance is still admiring his ring when he arrives at his first lecture of the week. He’s been staring at it for the past three days and is still fascinated by it’s perfection. He’s a tad bit earlier than his normal ‘fashionably late’ entrance, and there is already a small group of students in the room. 

 

“Professor Mcclain, did Mr. Keith finally propose?” The girls in his astrophysics class gather around him and gush enthusiastically amongst themselves when they notice the shining glint on his finger. Lance feels pride and joy swell in him. 

 

“Yeah, I know right. Took him long enough,” he jokes and wiggles his ring finger. “Guess how he proposed?” 

 

“How? It had to be romantic!” One of the girl's squeals in excitement.  

 

“Well,” Lance smiles, glancing at his ring again, and starts, “we were out on Friday night at this ridiculously fancy restaurant and…” He drones on, his voice filling up the almost empty classroom as he tells the insane yet endearing story of how his beautiful fiance had proposed. 

  
  


***

  
  


“You told your  _ whole _ class?!”

 

“You told Pidge _. _ ” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yall who read my mafia au, the prequel will be coming soon :D (but when i say soon it probably means a few years)
> 
> twitter: @ igot7eyesonyou  
> tumblr @ jjeungri
> 
> come holler at me i multiship in multifandoms


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